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who to marry

BRENDA at za.ac.uovs.wwg3 BRENDA at za.ac.uovs.wwg3
Thu Aug 19 03:38:34 EST 1993

> Why is it that the woman is the only one considered in taking care of the
> newborn?  Are fathers helpless?  You said that the woman's hours were
> limited to daycare hours, as if Dad were not capable of taking care of  juinor.
>  I had two children, one following each higher degree.  I worked
> late nights, all night sometimes, and a few times worked around the clock.
> My husband was perfectly capable of dealing with bottles, diapers,
> and spit-up.  If a couple wants chidlren, both parents have to raise
> the child.  The problem is to marry someone capable of taking on this
> responsibility, and maybe what we have to do is train young women to
> clearly understand that this a an absolutely necessary trait which any
> potential mate must have.  Why marry someone if they aren't going to shoulder
> their half of the child-rearing?
> Elaine Ingham  inghame at bcc.orst.edu

YES YES - I absolutely agree any sane woman should have as one of her
criteria of the perfect male that he should be capable of sharing in
the child-rearing.  I have been trying to explain this fact to the
undergraduate class that I teach.  The reaction I get however is not
comfiting.  They think that I am mad to even discuss this - however,
they think I'm a bit strange anyway because of my enthusiasm for
science.  One of the major problems is that "Love is blind" and so
often preconceived (sp?) ideas about the perfect male fly out the
window when faced with other realities.
The one solution I have to this problem is to educate not only the
women/girls that they should expect a male to help but also to
educate the males that they should help.  However the men in my
undergrad class think I am even more unusual than the women!
I have been lucky enough to marry someone who has and does help with
the kids.  But looking back I think there was a lot of luck involved
with my choice as I did get married quite young.  It is impossible to
tell young women not to get married until they understand what they
are doing.

Just a comment on Steve's comment he does know someone who was killed
by a terrorist.  I'd say that knowing someone like this has nothing
to do with your lifestyle but rather with where you were born!  And
as I grew up in a country that was being "liberated" such occurences
were not uncommon.  However, I don't think this is something to boast
about but rather to mourne that mankind (and unfortunately it does
tend to be the men and not the women) has to be so cruel and stupid
and have such little value for life!

Brenda Wingfield
Brenda at wwg3.uovs.ac.za

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