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NASA ARC Life Sciences Position Open

John Brookes jbrookes at ccnet.com
Wed Jan 18 14:49:07 EST 1995

Keith L. Cowing (kcowing at clark.net) wrote:
: Please note the following which  is the vacancy announcement for the Life Sciences Divison branch chief's position.


: Position:   Supervisory  Physiologist          Supervisory, AST, Physiological Studies          

: Opens:   December 15,1994
: Closes:   January  26, 1994

: GS-413-14/15

: Salary:            $62,456 to $95,507 per year                  

: Organization:   Gravitational Research Branch (SLR)
:         Life Sciences Division
Yes, research into whether federal deficits can come down once they go up.
: Who may apply:  All qualified persons from the general public or the civil
: service. 

: _________________________________________________________________________

: Summary of Duties: Serves as Branch Chief.  Is responsible for the technical
Why does the federal govt use the term "Chief" in its terminology? It's 
too sexist to get away with outside the govt - the EE govt people would 
: and programmatic direction of the work performed in the Branch, and provides
: supervision and leadership to the staff.  Duties include planning and
: allocating budget and other resources under his/her control, supervising the
: preparation of grant submissions, 
competing with private sector companies for development funds.
advocating new programs, acquiring Branch
: funding, and keeping upper management informed of the activities under his/her
: cognizance.  
You forgot sucking up to corrupt politicians and their staffs, and having 
lunch with lobbyists, both U.S. and foreign.
 Responsible for the resources and personnel within the Branch to
: support a multifaceted program of aerospace biomedical, human performance, and
: gravitational research. 
Damn! Its important to do research on low gravity living. Very critical. 
I cant think of anything I'd rather spend my money on at this point. 
Where can I send some extra money in? Ever since Sputnik I've been 
worried sick that the Russians are gaining more knowledge in this area 
than we even know about...You can see the results of their superior 
foresight even today. A really advanced society, not the least because of 
their strong space program, and of course, knowledge of the weightless 
environment. This is truly exciting and awesome.
 Line responsibility for the development and
: continuing oversight of Branch research programs with particular emphasis on
: the gravitational research.
I can tell with terms like "oversight" that the responsibility, besides 
being awesome, is linked to a great deal of personal accountability. If 
you don't produce rrsults for the bottom line, you're outa there.
  Incumbent is required to actively participate in
: the research program and serves as the primary contact for the Branch's
: gravitational research program for all other NASA Centers, Headquarters, and
: outside interactions.  
Do these "outside interactions" include U.S. and foreign lobbyists, or 
does that go on at a higher level? The bottom line is, when HQ bullshits 
Congress for a budget, you gotta dummy up those figures. And never mind 
the truth, its stranger than fiction anyway.

Represents the Branch and the Life Science 
Division to
: NASA Headquarters and to national and international technical conferences
: dealing with programmatic elements of the gravitational research activities of
: the Branch.  Represents Branch at reviews, briefings, and meetings with Center
: management, other organizational elements at the Center, other Centers , and
: the scientific community.  
In other words,
When we all meet with each other, you gotta be there for the catered food 
and dirty night life afterwards.
Oversees the activities of a support service
: contract staff.  Performs a full range of supervisory duties and assumes
: responsibility for all technical and administrative matters associated with
: the Branch.   
Well, after the bureaucrats took all the salary money for junkets, 
meetings, retirement, and pay, the "contract support staff" actually 
consists of several undocumented janitors and a contract carpet cleaner. 
But they must be watched carefully, and occasionally, "called on the carpet."

: NOTE:   Selected candidate not having Federal supervisory/managerial
: experience will be required to serve a one year supervisory probationary
: period.
NOTE CAREFULLY: We may not be here after that Period.
: _____________________________________________________________________________

: Promotion is dependent upon grade level controls, the continuing need for
: higher level duties, performance, and evaluation under NASA and OPM
: classification standards
: _____________________________________________________________________________

: Applicants must have education and experience in accordance with NASA and OPM
: qualification standards.  Applicants must also meet Selective Placement
: personal endorsements, or other unsolicited materials.  The KSAOC's for this
: position are:

: 1.  Knowledge of Life Sciences research programs.  (MORE IMPORTANT)
: Question/Guide:  Briefly summarize the training and experience in your
: background which contributes to your knowledge of gravitational biology
: research.   Give examples of research and/or analytic investigations where you
: have demonstrated or acquired knowledge of these areas.
I threw an Apple at our horse.

: 2.  Ability to develop and lead a diverse work force.  (MORE IMPORTANT)
: Question/Guide:  Describe actions you have taken to improve the capabilities
: and performance of others through task assignments, training and guidance on
: work processes, recognition of achievements, and career counseling.  Describe
: assignments in which you have accomplished work through others, including
: organizing, delegating, and overseeing work, overcoming obstacles, resolving
: conflict, and assessing work performance.  Describe work situations or outside
: activities which demonstrate your multicultural sensitivity and your ability
: to work harmoniously among people of different backgrounds.
Multiculturally, I bought a Toyota to show my sensitivity to the Asian 
muticultural background. My sensitivity to the black culture is attested 
by my continuing purchase of "Aunt Jemima" pancake mix, and by my close 
observance, and support for, the O.J. Simpson Misunderstanding. 
: 3.  Ability to manage successful research programs, including definition of
: objectives and goals, development of work plans, estimation of costs and
: approaches to cost control. (MORE IMPORTANT)
Let me put it to you straight, sucker, we spent way too much last year, 
Congress is cutting back, and so we need a scapegoat to blame it all on. 

: 4.  Skill in oral and written communication.
: Question/Guide:  Describe specific occasions which illustrated your
: communication skills.  Include information about the subject, purpose, person
: or audience, and the position or function of persons with whom you were
: dealing.
I once had to explain the value of putting a baseball through our 
neighbor's picture window. I very cleverly explained it as an attempt to 
do low gravity research. I think that it will be much more difficult to 
explain the reason behind NASA Gravity Research, but I am confident of 
coming up with something at least as convincing as that.
:                                                                                         _______

Do I get the job?

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