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Return to study?

Temporary account 10 temp_010 at cs.helsinki.fi
Fri Jun 8 02:21:31 EST 2001

Gerd Nilsen wrote:
> On 21 May 2001 07:37:46 +0100, "Debbie" <noemailplease at here.com.au>
> wrote:
> >Hi all,
> >I am a 38 y.o. mother of two teenagers, currently doing a preparatory course
> >for uni., hoping to do a biomedical degree next year. I was wondering if
> >there are any women reading this newsgroup that have gone back to study
> >after raising a family?
> >How did you cope with family and study?
> Try dealing with it the same way your husband would. That probably
> means concentrating on the studies during the day and HELPING  in the
> house at freetime. Studies should be your main object until you have
> graduated. husband and teenagers are independent persons, not an
> appendix of yours. They can manage to do housework and every other
> thing that they have been used to having you dooing.  Main point of
> beeing a working mother, is that you no longer live your life through
> your family. That also means you are no longer in charge of the
> housework.!
> If cleaning have been neglected for the past two months: Do not feel
> guilty, if it was not your turn! Go to the gym or to the library
> (train for a marathon, if the situation is really bad), if you can't
> face the dust anymore . And don't forget to stop excusing the dust
> when visitors arrive. Just tell them who was in charge this
> week/month.
> > I haven't been in paid work for 15
> >years, and am nervous enough about study, let alone worrying about
> >"deserting" my teenagers (and husband) when they may most need me!
> If they are more than 8, and don't suffer from any disablilities, they
> actually do not need you to pamper them. They of cause need support
> and someone to discuss things with. Be a person -  not a servant! Then
> there will be enough time to take care of the family, in addition to
> studies/job.  I gues the husband will be a bigger problem than the
> teenagers, since he is older. If he can't adjust to the new situation,
> tell him to hire someone to do his part of the housework (teenagers
> normally are buyable, and tell the teenagers not to be cheap!) He
> needs to be avare of the cost of having a servant at home.
> You need to be very open about your need to be a person (since the
> kids can not anymore function as an excuse for staying at home), and
> that meaning you are not their servant anymore.
> >How did you all deal with the guilt?
> Same way your husband does!
> And don't forget that going to work makes you an independent person
> which your kids will appreciate when they move out of the house, (and
> don't want to worry about you beeing lost and lonely) -  if not
> earlier. And probably going to work also means better economy for the
> family; I have never met a teenager that do not find that very useful.
> >(And your schedules!)
> Same way your husband does! Count hours spend doing housekeeping, for
> both of you. (Don't forget to count the hours you spend worrying about
> the housekeeping)  Preferably divid into boring/fun work and then
> figure out a shedule that gives you both a fair share of both. (Or
> delegate the boring stuff to the teenagers.)
> >I apologise if this is not the correct forum in which to be asking these
> >questions.
> I think this is excactly the right forum, since this is the kind of
> problem most mothers face.
> Gerd

Petra Mai
Nuottalahdentie 10 as 1
02230 Espoo

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